Lately I have really been struggling with feeling left behind.
First, there is the obvious – younger sisters having babies, people much younger and married a much shorter time than me having not only their first kid but their second, clients whose weddings I photographed long after mine making announcements, watching other peoples’ babies turn one, two, three, and then have siblings – etc.
And then there is the other – we were supposed to do IVF in February. Then we were supposed to do it in May or June. And now we’re pushing it back till late summer or early fall. And meanwhile, I’m watching all the other people going through Infertility getting to start their IVF cycles. Or, in some cases, finish.
I was supposed to be right alongside them, for better or for worse. I was supposed to be going through it with them. But instead they start their pills, continue with their shots, talk about the sizes of their follicles, and I’m just sitting there, with nothing. No progress, no hope, nothing to show for all the years behind me.
I’ve even been left behind by the Infertiles.
I know a bunch of people doing IVF in May/June and I just keep thinking that should be me. One girl from my support group started her IVF when we had originally planned on starting ours and now she’s pregnant with twins, and when I see her I think what if that was me?
I’m just sort of here. I’m jealous when they all go “oh wow, there’s a bunch of us doing IVF in May and June!” I want to be one of them. Because I think I’ve hit the end of my hope for ever having a baby the regular way.
I know that it’s best for us to wait a few more months, but I still feel left behind. The best thing I know to do is stay as busy as possible and not think about it, which I generally do a pretty good job with, but I still feel this nagging pull in my heart when I think or hear about it. I’m not wishing away my summer, because I have things I’m really looking forward to, but I’m so ready to get to the next step. Whether it works or doesn’t, I want to get on with it.
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I am so sorry for this. I feel this way too but I guess for different reasons. While I am able to start a cycle, I watch countless IF women get pregnant as I continue to get BFN’s. It is hard to take and feels like people are living the life that I am supposed to be living. I hate it and I hate that you find yourself here too. Hoping for better times ahead for us both
I’ll do my best to distract you for a solid week in July.
Ugh, that is really frustrating. So sorry that you feel this way. While you may not be moving at quite the same pace, at least you have a plan and you’re still moving forward. Hope your summer is filled full of fun things and it flies by.
Being left behind is such a hard feeling. I know it well. Some friends walking the infertility road with us decided in February to pursue adoption, and just got matched with a baby due anyday – so fast, All I can think is, what if we had decided to adopt, that could be our baby and we could be waiting for a call from the hospital to say our son had been born. Even though our journey has not brought us to a place of peace to move in that direction yet – I can;t help but want what they have. Now our childless friends, are childless no more. I feel very left behind. Jealous of our friends who get together for baby birthday parties, and moms groups. I am not only without a child, i feel left behind by my friends too as motherhood naturally changes their lives and social circles. I feel very alone sometimes, I am a mother, i just don’t have a child yet so where so i fit in?!
Trusting and praying that God’s perfect plan will come to be in both our homes.
I know our trip to Hawaii next month is a welcome distraction for us, something to look forward to that is not a blood test or a day to pee on a stick. Just fun, sunshine, beaches, and time together in the beauty of the island!
I understand how hard it is and truly I wish we could be doing it at the same time. You have every right to feel that way. I did an IVF with a friend that I met years ago in Sept both of ours failed, but then she got to do an FET in November because her mother paid for both the IVF & FET and now she is 25 weeks, and that has been so hard for me because I too felt so left behind because she got to try again so soon, and we had to start from ground zero again with no frozen embryos to transfer, no money to start again, thus began the saving and WAITING AGAIN. And we knew with Glen’s counts as they were, or now we know, non-existent counts, LOL there was no other chance other than IVF. I pray that you get a surprise here in the next few months, and you can save all the $$ you have saved up for IVF for baby! I think this is y’all’s best chance yet with his counts being their best and you clear and free of any uterine invaders. You are always in my thoughts and prayers!!