The Eternal Guest Room

Infertility kinda sucks.

a dream of two lines


I recently had a dream that I took a pregnancy test and there were 2 pink lines. They were so vivid and the dream was so real that when I woke up I still felt like it had really happened. I woke up and thought I was pregnant.

Then I realized it was dark and I was lying in bed and I realized that it was just a dream.

But it felt so real that I felt like I had actually lost something. D could barely get me out of bed when it was time because an overwhelming wave of grief was weighing me down.

I’ve never seen two lines. I don’t know how that feels, to look down and see that and realize what it means. In my dream I was happy, and excited, but still in disbelief. I wanted to run out and tell everybody, but I was afraid to, because I knew the lines could go away.

Mostly, though, I was happy. D was there, and we were happy together, both staring at the lines, and overjoyed at what they meant.

It felt so real that I thought about peeing on a stick when I got out of bed, but I knew that would be a waste (way too early, and every other one has been a waste so far anyway). I went through the day quietly, remembering, tearful. I hadn’t felt such a strong sense of loss in a long, long time.

Most days, I do ok. But some days are still soul-crushingly hard. Sometimes having dreams makes it harder.

5 Responses

I am so sorry. I have had super vivid dreams about being engaged before. It is really hard to come “back to earth” as it were….

  • This post was hard to read. I hurt for you.

  • Love you.

  • I have to believe that dreams do mean something. I’ve had several two pink line dreams and just last night I dreamt that we got the call on our adoption. In my dream, my baby is due in 11 days. I have to hope that even if it isn’t right now, those dreams are God’s way of telling us that he has great things planned for us. I hope that for both of us.

  • keep dreaming…dream big….

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