The Eternal Guest Room

We finally saw Pixar’s Up.

Let me just say this… REALLY?  The movie’s been out for half a year and NOBODY thought it might be a good idea to warn us that it’s about a couple who can’t have children, they grow old, she dies, and he’s all alone?!  REALLY?!  “Have you seen Up yet?  Have you seen Up yet?!  It’s sad.”

Of course, once you get past the first twenty minutes, it’s really good… if you can see through your tear encrusted eyelashes.

Also, it’s not for kids.  But that’s ok ’cause we don’t have any.

So we finally have some sort of an update, if anyone’s still out there looking at this.

Went in this morning for a sonogram to see if those pesky cysts were still going to keep us waiting. Last month they were borderline; the problem wasn’t the size, but the fact that there were multiple cysts close to each other. I got worried this morning when they showed up on the screen, and she started marking the cysts and putting the sizes into the computer. She told me that the nurses would decide if we could go forward or not.

I sat by myself in a room for 10 long, anxious minutes, sure the news was going to be bad. The nurse finally came in and told me that she’d had to ask the doctor.

And the doctor gave us the go ahead.

So. Here we are – ready to try this thing.

There are no guarantees, of course. Statistics vary, but the success rates are generally given to be between 10-20%. That’s not great. And the average number of IUI cycles that it usually takes to get one to work is 3 or 4. So we may still be entering a long road of waiting, and of hope, and of disappointment.

There’s even a chance that the procedure might get canceled, if there turns out to be a chance of having multiple multiples. So there’s not even 100% certainty in that. How much that would suck after Darek giving me 3 shots is hard to say. Hopefully that won’t be a bridge we have to cross.

But we’re excited; for the first time, there’s actually something we can do. We know when to expect things. There’s a huge sense of comfort in that. We even know exactly when we find out if it works or not.

I just want to ask for one favor. We’ve said before that we’re happy to have people ask us questions about this stuff. We honestly mean that. But we have just one request – please please please don’t ask if this worked. If it doesn’t work, we’ll let you know when we’re ready to. And if it does work, we want to have a little bit of the luxury that “normal” people have when they make their announcement to the world, at their chosen time and way.

So that’s where we are right now. It’s not much, but it’s nice to have a little bit of good news for a change. The last time we had any kind of good news was in April…so we were definitely due for some.

It’s nice to have some hope again.

I got the dreaded question today…

“So, any news? You going to have any kids?”

It’s gotten to the point where I usually just say “yeah, we’ve been trying to do that for over two and a half years now,” but this was one of those situations where that wouldn’t go over so well. So I did my deer-in-the-headlights shrug and nervous laugh, and later went out to my car to cry.

I don’t know why this is a question that people think is appropriate to ask a casual acquaintance or, in this case, an ex-co-worker that hadn’t seen me in at least 2 years.

I absolutely don’t mind when a close friend or family member asks in a way that’s caring and not just nosey. I welcome those questions, and I mean that.

But it is 100% not appropriate to ask someone you barely know when they are going to have kids. How did something so personal become such open territory? You have no idea what their story is. And a question like that can throw someone like me off for the rest of the day.

I find that if I keep myself busy and distracted and don’t think about this stuff, I can be ok. But when I hear another person’s Big News, or have to be around someone who is obviously pregnant, or have to deal with questions like the ones I got today, I go back to being not ok.

And it sucks.

As far as an update as to what’s going on with us lately…

We’re still just waiting.

And it sucks.

We should find out in the next week or so whether we can move forward with an IUI. I’ve pretty much given up hope with anything ever happening naturally, and though I rationally know that it’s still a possibility, I grieve that loss of hope every day. Sometimes it’s harder to hope than it is to give up hope.

So. To sum it up – we’re just waiting right now. Story of my life.