These days are passing slowly. For some reason I’m not feeling very hopeful, just discouraged. I don’t really know why.
I guess, at this point, it’s just hard to ever really see it happening. In the beginning I could picture us with a couple of kids, hanging out as a family. Over time the images were only of one young kid, not any older than 2 or 3. Then I could only picture us with a very small baby. Eventually I could only picture myself pregnant, nothing beyond that. But now I can barely even imagine that. It all seems so improbable.
People say “yeah, but look at what’s happened over the years, you’ve gotten over all the obstacles and now you finally have a real chance,” but that doesn’t make the last 3 years seem any less real or painful.
The truth is that lots of people go through a ton of stuff – surgeries, medications, procedures, a bunch of stuff that is supposed to absolutely work – and then end up with “unexplained infertility” and no baby in the end. And that could very well be what happens to us. It’s just a realistic outcome that we have to keep in mind.
And maybe I’m just protecting myself, preparing myself for disappointment. Because hoping is one thing, but believing is something else, and finding out that something you’d believed in isn’t real is pretty upsetting.
IComLeavWe: Join the Conversation
I hope this is it for you. I really do. I dont wish this horrible crap on my worst enemy. I know exactly what your talking about. I’m not sure this will ever end for me, the way I want it to. Today is 12dpiui and bfn. Its game over for me. I’m at a loss of what to do next. I truly hope and wish you get your sticky bfp and there is one less of “us” in the world. FX’ed for you.
Sandie I’m so so sorry. 🙁 I was really hoping for you. It all just sucks so much. Keep me posted on what you decide to do.
=(
I’m thinking hopeful and happy thoughts for you!
i totally, totally feel your pain. i think all on the TTC journey relate. sending positive thoughts your way!
Hellow from ICLW! If I’m calculating right, you should be getting very close to a beta at the end of this week. I hope this is it for you!!!
So I totally can relate to this post. I went from imagining us herding vast amounts of children at first…and then the numbers seemed to dwindle every few months…and now I’m here after 3+ years of fertility treatments, childless. and when I imagine us…right now, its just us. 🙁 I dont know if my mind is just trying to keep me sane or if its really time to throw in the towel. 🙁 Unexplained infertility sucks a big one.