The Eternal Guest Room

The seasons keep changing.

I wish they would stop. They remind me of the passage of time, which I try not to think about, because it makes me realize how long this has gone on and how much older I’ve gotten through it.

Halloween is next weekend and kicks off the Holiday Season. Historically this has been the hardest time of year for me, and this will be the 4th year of dealing with this. Four years!!! Seriously? Seriously, I have to go through this again?

Just like the first holiday season, my younger sister is pregnant, and I am not.

Just like the first holiday season, nearly everyone we know has children to celebrate with, and we do not.

We don’t have enough candles this year to represent all the failed attempts. If we did we might burn the house down anyway.

We don’t have the hope we had in the past. We don’t talk about it like we used to.

Life just sort of keeps going the way it goes.

I need to make sure to stay off evil FB next week because I know it’s going to be full of adorable kids in costumes. I want so badly to have photos like that of my own to post. Not because I want to have kids just so I can put them in costumes, but because of what it represents – the life I want, a family, children to celebrate the holidays with…

I’m truly making an effort this year to enjoy Halloween and to put those thoughts in the back of my mind, but they’re there.

Especially as I watch the leaves fall off the trees.