So here it is…the annual woe-is-me-I-have-to-endure-another “Infertile’s Mother’s Day of Despair” post.
I can’t believe it will be my fifth mother’s day since I started trying to become one. I remember them all vividly: The first one, sitting in church, full of naive hope and happy nervous butterflies, thinking it’d happen any day now. The second, sitting in church again, having my heart ripped out of my chest, unsuccessfully fighting back tears and vowing never to attend another childless mother’s day service again. The third, at a weekend away with friends, trying to forget what weekend it was. The fourth, having a nice weekend away with D, touring wineries and the Bluebell factory and finding good distractions to get through it.
And for this one, the fifth, I have no plans. It’ll just be another Sunday, although with no shoots. We haven’t made any plans to do anything relaxing or distracting, oringinally because some shoots were supposed to happen, but then when they all fell through, I guess we both just thought “why bother?” I’ve just now started to think about it and it’s getting me down.
It’s the day I feel completely forgotten. It’s the day I want to forget. It’s the day that’s plastered all over everything for weeks in advance. It’s the day I hate more than any other day of the whole year. It’s the day I dread and hope against hope that I don’t have to suffer through again.
And here it is. Again.
The last sentence of my mother’s day post last year was:
“I just really hope there’s not another year of this.”
So much for that.
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I really hate Hallmark holidays in general because they’re so pointless, but this one is definitely the worst for obvious reasons. I hadn’t thought about skipping church but now that I’ve read your post, I’m thinking it’s probably a good idea!
No matter how fast or how far we try to run there is no escaping IF. I am going to be in FL for Mother’s Day this year but I’m not fooling myself. I will still wake up at morning and the first thought I will have is, I wish I was a mother.
I pray that next year will be a different story for us.
I hear you, this is year 5 for us too. I lack words, it just is so unfair. Just know that I will be thinking of you on sunday.
Big Hugs today. At least while all the fertiles are enjoying the wonders of motherhood, we have a community of women who are thinking about each other. I have to remind myself that even though every one has forgotten about me today, you and the other ladies struggling with IF are thinking about me. And we are thinking about you too! At least it’ll all be over with in about 12 hours……….