The Eternal Guest Room

Every year I dread mother’s day. It’s so depressing, and I never feel as alone as I do on that day. I always feel so forgotten.

But this year was different.

On Friday night I was feeling really down; dreading the weekend and feeling resentful that I wasn’t going to D’s improv show because of one the girls in his group is 8 months pregnant and we felt it too big of a risk for me to go and watch her perform on stage for half an hour. I was anticipating a long night at home alone. What a crappy start to such a horrible weekend.

Then the doorbell rang, and I went to the front door, racking my brain trying to remember what photos I had ordered from UPS. But it wasn’t photos.

My parents sent me flowers. Flowers to let me know they were thinking of me and knew how hard the weekend would be for me. I can’t even begin to find the words to say how much it meant to me; I couldn’t even call to thank them that evening because every time I thought about it I got super emotional. I felt this wave of gratitude wash over me: Someone remembers. Someone cares.

It changed my whole weekend. I put them on my desk with the note propped up, and I never felt forgotten, even when Sunday rolled around. I got on facebook that morning completely forgetting what I was subjecting myself to, and instantly was bombarded with cheery mother’s day messages. But between those were other messages: one of my best friends posted a super sweet note that brought tears to my eyes, and then there were even more notes about those who were not yet mothers, greetings of support to the women who were hurting on that day.  I was reminded of all the other ladies I’ve met, whether in person or online, who have shared in this and feel my pain and know exactly what I’m going through. How could I feel alone with a feed like that, and with the wonderful comments that I got on this blog on my last post, and with all the ladies in my life that feel the same way I do?

And then one of my friends sent me a text to say she loved me and was thinking about me that day. I was so touched.

D took good care of me. I didn’t leave the house a single time, and he happily went out to get me comfort foods throughout the day (breakfast potatoes, chipotle, freezer pizza, oh my). It was lovely.

I didn’t feel forgotten this year. I felt remembered. And it made all the difference in the world.

Thank you, my sweet friends, my wonderful husband, and Mom & Dad, for everything, for all your love and support. It means the world to me. You are my light in this darkness.