The Eternal Guest Room

Tomorrow’s the big day. Twenty four hours from now (2:00). The day we find out if this is real. If there’s an actual living, growing baby in there with a heartbeat.

I’m more nervous than I can even say.

It’s been a long 3 weeks. The longest 3 weeks of my life. Much longer than any 2-week wait. I try not to worry but I can’t help it. The whole thing just feels so surreal, seems too good to actually be true. Everything went so almost-perfectly with our IVF cycle that I’m constantly just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that’s the wrong way to think, but I can’t help it.

My friend keeps telling me that the statistics are on our side – just because we were on the wrong side of the statistics in getting pregnant, doesn’t mean we’ll be on the wrong side for staying pregnant. I know that’s true, but after so many years of failure and disappointment it’s a little hard to truly believe.

If tomorrow goes well I’ll let myself start dreaming and planning. I’ll finally be able to hear someone say “congratulations” without getting a sick, nervous feeling in my stomach. I’ll start believing it’s true.

Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.