The Eternal Guest Room

I feel like screaming.

My cyst has gotten bigger, and is eating the medicine that’s supposed to be making the follicles grow. Usually this would be the point at which we would trigger for the IUI, but I only have one follicle and it’s only 15mm. It was 13mm on Monday, so it’s growing very slowly. (In the past I’ve had 2 follicles that were between 18-24mm by this point, to give you a frame of reference.) None of the rest are doing anything worthwhile.

We have an appointment to go in on Friday and we have two options if there is still only one follicle: throw a bunch of money at an IUI that probably isn’t worth doing, or cancel. Again. The problem with going forward with the IUI is that it would most likely take place on Saturday; and we are shooting a wedding on Saturday. So that can’t happen.

I can’t believe this is going so poorly. I feel like we’re continuously going backward. At one point in time I felt that getting to IUIs was going to solve our problems. I figured it’d be easy sailing once we got to this point. But it’s just making it feel like we have even less of a chance than before.

I find myself going into my yearly panic as the holidays approach. I think about Christmas and I want to throw up. In one month I’ll be 32. I can feel time slipping away; I was 28 when we started and I feel like we’re getting farther away, not closer.

I’m frustrated, and I’m kind of pissed.