The Eternal Guest Room

I remember one year ago from today very vividly.

It was cold and gray; that nasy weather where it’s just sort of drizzling and all you want to do is curl up in bed. But we were so excited – it was the day of our first IUI. We thought that would be it, the answer to our problems. We thought the last several years would be behind us once and for all.

We even took pictures.

I find it somwhat meaningful that we mark this one-year “anniversary” with our last IUI. The actual IUI won’t be for another week or so, but we’ve done 2 nights of injections so far.

I look back on this year and all I can think is “Seriously? This is how far we’ve gotten? Nowhere?”

It’s frustrating.

Our first IUI held a lot of hope. We were excited. Other people were excited. Friends offered to come over to hang out with me and help me pass the time. We made plans. We talked about nursery designs.

None of that really happens anymore.

I’ll be glad to be done with IUI. It was more frustrating than anything. This one is going well so far – and I hesitate to say much, because I don’t want to jinx it – but we started off with no cysts and a good lining and the appointments are lining up with convenient days that make my life much easier.

We’re hoping that it works, but also keeping the “what-ifs” in mind. I don’t know how I’m going to pass the time this time, except that this year we’re actually planning on celebrating Christmas instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist.

And who knows; it’s possible that the IUI may end up getting canceled for the 300th time.

I should be really good at waiting by now but honestly I suck at it.